How to Deal with Being Rejected by Your Parents
by Iris DeBlasio
If you’re like me there will be times in your life like your childhood and adulthood, or maybe a few times, when you’ll bring someone home to meet your folks for the first time and to your agony things won’t go so well and all because your parents “don’t like” the person you have chosen to be with. Your Father will look to be stern with you and state something a long the lines of “I won’t stand for someone like that dating my child” and your mom, who is always a bit more sensitive, will try to persuade you into dumping your fancy with words of encouragement; “Dear you could do so much better” for example. You on the other hand won’t understand what their all upset about and why they can’t see how wonderful the person is … if only they gave them a chance. But don’t worry we’ve all been there and here are some tips to deal with your problem. Here are 8 tips for dealing with parental rejection:
1) Get your parents approval by, Remember you parents are people too:
The first rule in dealing with parents when you have this problem, or any problem, is to remember they are people just like every one else. Just like everyone else they make mistakes and a lot of them. Children don’t come with instruction manuals and so parents are often left feeling their way through situations of uncertainty and they don’t always take the right path. Give them some slack, their only looking out for you and don’t want to see you get hurt. Some times that leads them to be overbearing because it’s safe. You should love them for thinking so much of you not get angry over it. The trick is to deal with them as people who love you, but people who make mistakes and go from their.
2) Get your parents approval by, Not getting angry or be upset:
Of course you’re going to feel angry and upset over that fact that your parents disapprove of the person you have chosen to date. Don’t they trust you? Don’t they want you to be happy? Why are they controlling your life? It’s only natural to feel this way. However acting in this natural away won’t get you anywhere and will only cause you to loss the situation rather then win it or find a compromise you can live with.
Reread tip number one; your parents are people who do love you but they are people who make mistakes. This is not something to be angry about. It is an obstacle to overcome but you should thank your parents for being so concerned about you.
Being level headed is what you want to be now most of all; anger will just get you to do things that will push you away from your goal; level headedness will move you toward your goal.
3) Get your parents approval by, Acting Mature:
In tip 2 I told you not to be angry; what you want to be is mature. Nine times out of ten the reason your parents disapprove of your fancy is because they don’t feel your mature enough to deal with the problems they think this person presents. Your recourse is to show them how mature you really are. Doing so will soften them to the idea that you do know what your doing in life and if you chose this person they must not be so bad after all.
You show how mature you are through actions not words. Words are cheap; actions are the only way to judge a person. Help out more around the house with out having to be asked to do so. Get a job if you don’t have one and can get one, even if it’s only for a few hours and then when you get your paycheck don’t spend it all, give some to your parents and tell them to save it for you when you get older.
4) Get your parents approval by, Having your Fancy change the few things about themselves that your parents disapprove of.
This may not seam fair, and its not. Why should your Fancy have to change anything about them selves just because your parents don’t like them, especially when your parents are wrong. Well I have news for you, but you probably know this already, life isn’t faire. It never has been and it never will be; get use to that fact now and you will be a happier person in life.
Your Fancy is the new person in the situation, your parents have been in your life for a very very long time, and more they have made it their life’s work to take care of you. Your Fancy is the one how needs to bend there knee first before your parents will ever consider doing it in return. It’s the natural order of things.
What’s more you can use this as a test for your Fancy; after all if their not willing to change a few things about themselves in order to be with you what are they worth anyway?
5) Get your parents approval by, Talking with your parent’s adults to adult.
This may be a bit difficult since you are not an adult nor do your parents see you as an adult. That is why rule 3 is so important; you must establish the idea in their minds that even if you are not fully an adult yet there are some adult topics you can talk about them with. Once they feel comfortable talking to you as an adult then you can finally get to the heat of the matter instead of them dictating their feelings to you.
6) Get your parents approval by, Opening a lengthy dialog:
Opening a dialog is very important and you should invest your self to be in this dialog over a few days or months not just over dinner. You need to establish exactly what your parents are afraid off so that you can more effectively address them. You are not going to get them to open up over night, it takes time for any human being to let their true feelings and thoughts out about a sensitive subject.
7) Get your parents approval by, Asking what’s bothering them:
Before you can address the needs of your parents you need to establish what those needs are. The only effective way to discover what is bothering your parents is to ask them strait up. But be mindful of the way you ask them, be mature not winy, and be concerned not accusatory.
For example ask questions that follow along the lines of this one “Dad I love you, but what’s bothering you about Jake, I really want to know so he and I can correct it”
Also the only way to effectively communicate with people is to understand what they are telling you rather then just hearing what they are saying. An easy way to accomplish effective communication is to repeat for your parents in your own words what they are telling you. State “so what your telling me is … … is that right?”. This gives your parents an opportunity to correct themselves if they made a mistake in their words and it helps you avoid unnecessary work do to misinterpretation of their needs.
8) Get your parents approval by, Understanding your role in the relationship with your parents:
No matter how mature you are, or even how old you are; your parents are your parents, and that doesn’t change whether you are 13 or 31. That gives them a certain power over you whether you like it or not. The key is to effectively live within that frame work so that all people involved are happy.
Some times your parents are going to put their foot down and simply tell you NO! and rebuff all of your attempts to correct the problems. They have some kind of right as a parent to do so, or at lest they think they do. Your reaction to this should be to retreat; retreat so that you can live to fight another day. When they are in this mode there is nothing you will be able to do about it. You don’t want to sabotage future attempts at persuading them by pushing to hard at a time you know you can’t win.
I hope these tips help you in the future and good look with you parents and your love life.